I've been told that you really exist and will be coming to tropical Singapore to ride in a trishaw around one industrial park for some gimmicky event.
I think you're going to feel really shitty having to be squashed in a trishaw so you might want to leave your sack at the hotel. You might want to drop the usual outfit too, cos this is the tropics and given the freaky weather we've been having, chances are that it will rain and humidity will be something like 99.9%. Nothing you can do about the beard and the brows, but do swap the red fur-trimmed stuff for, say, a Hawaiian shirt? A Mandarin collar shirt? Or maybe a button-down in our SQ kebaya print? You're going to be in a trishaw after all, so it'll blend in with the theme.
Oh, and one more thing. Our trishaws like to play loud techno music. You want to QC your grand entrance OST beforehand.
But I digress. This is the first time in my 26 years of existence that I've written a letter to you. Given that I've never asked you for anything, and that I've just given you a bunch of constructive advice, I'd be really excited if you could drop this limited edition Paul Smith Fisheye 2 camera into my room.
I'll leave my window open on Christmas Eve. Thanks in advance!
Cheers
I'll be good for the rest of the year
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