Sometimes it feels like life stalled at some point a few years back. Like a shell of me has moved on and continued to age and soon will die, but the real me has been anchored by certain ghosts of the past.

Sometimes I unwittingly get reminded of certain things and have to close my eyes to squeeze it all out of my head. Perhaps I need an exorcism.

I'm not even talking about one person. That would be too easy. It's like a snowball that has accumulated all this time and which has been threatening to lost its equilibrium. Being threatened every moment that I can expect to be buried any time.

I read a lot of books about screwed up people, my favourites being druggies, the depressed and the eating disordered. Sometimes I think the line is a thin one. Because they seem like magnified versions of you and me. They just seem to lack a stop button. Whereas our stop buttons have jammed in place.

So sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of letting my mind cave in to let the other part take over. Shut down.