Want to buy VCD?

Yes, I am so back. It's 10.57pm now and I aim to sleep at 12am. Shall write as much as I can in the meanwhile.

During my short break last week, I went for a massage at this place called Java Java located along Upper Thomson Road.

I am rather difficult to please when it comes to massages cos I am ticklish and afraid of too much pain. I also hate it when girls with small hands and skinny fingers massage me. The lack of surface area on their hands means they like to press down with all their might using their skinny fingers. And if there's anything I remember from 'O' Level Physics (which I really sucked at), it's that this teeny surface area causes more pressure to be exerted on that point. In other words, it's damn bloody painful okay. Which is why I always prefer experiences aunties with fleshy hands. They're really strong and they make good use of their strength.

So back to Java Java. OCDed one went to this lady named Amy and highly recommended her. She was indeed pretty good. I'd consider that the fourth best massage session I ever had, and I've had a few, considering I once did this major spa story, for which I basically tried a lot of massages. She managed to rub all the tension out of my super tight shoulders and crack my joints so deeply that for the next few days, I was at a loss as I could not hear the satisfying 'krak' that usually comes along when I twist my body to one side.

To digress a little again, the best massage I ever had was in Melbourne, when I went for an Aesop press trip. The masseuse was this guy (Lance? I've forgotten) who regularly works on the Aesop employees. He was SO. AMAZING. Halfway through the massage and for the next few days, I kept thinking I wanted to marry him, just so I could feel like that for the rest of my life. For real. Well, I mean, it's a pretty good reason, isn't it?

A close second is an aromatherapy relaxation massage I did at Clarins Institute. I don't remember what happened, except I fell asleep and woke up a different person.

Next was this kickass deep tissue massage I did in Phuket where we were sent for the company retreat. She reached my very core, man.

And now there is Amy, a close substitute. I mean, she is on home ground plus she's nowhere as expensive as Clarins Institute. I did a 1.5 hour session which cost me only $60 using the OCDed one's member discount.

The spa is simply decorated and not exactly the most luxurious place around. You get massaged in a curtained cubicle not unlike the A&E rooms you see on TV, although dimmer and nicer-smelling. In order to move around in the confined area, Amy will shove the bed from side to side at times. So you see, if you're particular about ambience, this is not for you. But if all you want is to rediscover a time when shoulders were just that and not rocks at an affordable price, this is pretty good.

And now for the funny bit. While I was there, there was a sudden police raid. Supposedly a routine check to sieve out illegal workers in that area.

So I was lying there when I heard clomping footsteps on the wooden floor outside, followed by a male voice going, "Sorry!"

Then the girl next door exclaimed, "He just flashed a light at me!"

Okay... I thought, glancing at the gaping curtain Amy didn't bother too much with closing properly, and considering my erm, status - flat on back wearing only disposable undies. Not good.

Fortunately, no one flashed a light at me. Later, when the masseuses went downstairs to get their ICs, the neighbouring girl came over to tell me the guy just flung the curtains open and pointed a light at her. She was sitting up with only a small towel across her boobs. Unsurprisingly, she felt rather violated.

But that's not the funny part. The good bit was after I was done with my massage. I was putting on my shoes. Only one of the cops was in the waiting area and he was on the phone. Suddenly, this China guy pushed open the glass door and by the time I recognised that distinctive laptop case slung on his shoulder, he had opened his mouth to ask in Mandarin, "Want to buy DVD?"

My eyes just widened and I couldn't help laughing a little as I looked over to the cop to see what he'd do. He was still on the phone and merely glanced at the Chinese guy irritatedly.

Being a persistent businessman, Chinese guy repeated his question. And somehow, he seemed to get the feeling something was wrong, and went off quickly. Either that or he went to ask the cops further down the row if they wanted DVDs too.

Hilarious, I tell you. Talk about comic timing.

Why do they all use that laptop case though?