Do you like scary movies?

Thirteen days ago, I set up an OKC account.

My knowledge of OKC boils down to two sources. This Wired feature I read ages ago about a mathematician who hacked the website to improve his odds of finding love, and a friend who has been entertaining me with all kinds of wild, hilarious tales about the messages and dates she and her other girlfriends have been enduring.

My absolute favourite remains the lengthy message she received from a supposedly Egyptian man, detailing how he would like to get to know her better over a romantic dinner while playing with each other's toes under the table. That story resulted in one of the top five laughing fits of my life. My stomach hurt, tears were welling up and I was breathless and choke-coughing but still I couldn't stop.

I digress.

Come to think of it, my cousin might have found her shitty husband through the site. Unverified. I shall ask her the next time there is a family gathering. She doesn't know I think her husband shitty though. I won't tell her that.

Digress again.

So. I was aimless after returning from a nine-week trip in Europe, and decided that an OKC account would be easier to accomplish than putting together a CV which, in the first place, I wasn't sure I was ready to send out.

That OKC was founded by Harvard math majors, and that matchmaking was carried out through algorithms and data analysis, pleased and intrigued me.

I googled a little – friend who got propositioned by Egyptian with feet fetish: "I cannot believe you're researching even this. Cannot believe." – and this Guardian article came up.

... very workaday questions like: “Do you like scary movies?” and: “Have you ever travelled alone to another country?” have amazing predictive power. If you’re ever stumped on what to ask someone on a first date, try those. In about three-quarters of the long-term couples OkCupid has brought together, both people have answered them the same way, either both “yes” or both “no”. That’s much, much higher than the expected rate, since both questions evenly split our user base. In fact, successful couples agree on scary movies – either they both like them or they both hate them – about as often as they agree on the existence of God.

I wanted to know if there was someone who was into travelling alone and scary movies that I could get along with.

What I have (re)discovered thus far is my talent for rolling my eyes.  (Haven't rolled my eyes much ever since dealing with silly clients ceased to be a part of my daily life.)

I won't bore you with those who think that "hi" or "hey" automatically become interesting conversation starters once they add a row of !!!!!!.

Did you know that "Hihi, care to chat?" is a phrase that did not die with IRC? (I added the comma and question mark. Not many of the men who message me think that punctuation has a place in the world. Maybe it's something in my profile that's attracting this type. Like, I don't know, all the books and authors I listed as a sampling of my reading preferences.)

But I'm not actually that much of a grammar bitch. If the message is interesting, I let a few things go.

I also tend to be more amused than offended by indecent proposals.

However, when the power of bad grammar and spelling is combined with lewd propositions, I get really pissed off. A mini explosion goes off in my head. Throw in an ugly profile photo along with an obscene username and I start sailor-swearing.

Like I told a friend (not the one targetted by the Egyptian dude with the toe fetish, but another who has encountered her fair share of filthy weirdos), a person can be decent or intelligent or really good-looking. Be accomplished in at least one of those. If you fail in all three aspects, maybe you should just cease to exist.

In truth, I am bored. Have been bored since around day three. But I tell myself something good might come out of this social experiment. I get to be mean when I write/talk about these absurdities, I get some great stories and insights into human nature and I have gotten some interesting conversations out of this.

Propositioned-by-Egyptian-toe-guy friend told me that her friend found her "amazeballs" partner after going on 100 dates. I doubt I have that kind of tenacity but damn, that's one hell of a lot of stories.

I leave you with this gem. For now.

Sexygigolo? Gee. What is the source of all that confidence?