Dreams, Zink Magazine Sep 2007Photograph: Eugenio Recuenco
Model: Jennifer Pugh
from foto decadent
Passion was introduced into my life at the tender age of 13, in the form of our principal Mrs Carmee Lim, who lived and breathed the emotion, right down to the way she'd sing the national anthem and school song with gusto. Passion for life, dreams and everything you do in between. I don't remember the as you walk through the portals of RGS speech very clearly, despite the number of times I've heard it, but I remember that the subject of passion always being brought up. Regrettably, I was young and ignorant and pretty much drifted through the system not really understanding what was going on.
Then there was Mr Eric Lee in RJ, who basically said one day that it's okay not to know what you want when you're 19. It's even okay when you're 29. But at 39, if you still don't know what you're doing, then there's a problem.
Fast forward a few years, it was head over heels in the music by Mayday. They catapulted to fame and fortune singing about youth and the wasting of youth as our right and dreams and daring to dream. And legions of fans fervently nodded their heads in agreement and shed tears while they plucked up the courage to pursue their own dreams. It all came to a screeching halt for me one day when Ashin said, somewhat wistfully, he wondered sometimes if it had been irresponsible of them to keep pushing people to be persevering dream chasers. That was around the same period my connection to them simply snapped.
I've always harboured curiosity and envy for people with rock solid dreams and who are living each day in a happy, driven pursuance of what is in their far sight. Because it's never been clear to me what I want. I only know what I do not want. Decisions made on that kind of basis have somehow served me alright. Maybe something surer will hit me when I'm 29.
I believe it's possible to earn a living doing something you truly love. I also believe you're damn lucky if you ever figure out what that is and actually get to do it.
So when opportunity comes along and it puts a sparkle in your eye and sets your heart racing, there are only two endings to that story. You go with it and spend your life living with your decision, richer or poorer for it. Or you spend your life asking yourself, what if? It's such a cliche. But I believe that a true what if? option can haunt you even when you're on your deathbed, even when you've led a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Only you can decide if this is a true what if? And if it is, why be tethered by imaginary shackles?
(And about what Eric Lee said, I later rationalised that it was because he was past 29 and not yet 39 when he found his calling, that he set that particular time frame.)
Then there was Mr Eric Lee in RJ, who basically said one day that it's okay not to know what you want when you're 19. It's even okay when you're 29. But at 39, if you still don't know what you're doing, then there's a problem.
Fast forward a few years, it was head over heels in the music by Mayday. They catapulted to fame and fortune singing about youth and the wasting of youth as our right and dreams and daring to dream. And legions of fans fervently nodded their heads in agreement and shed tears while they plucked up the courage to pursue their own dreams. It all came to a screeching halt for me one day when Ashin said, somewhat wistfully, he wondered sometimes if it had been irresponsible of them to keep pushing people to be persevering dream chasers. That was around the same period my connection to them simply snapped.
I've always harboured curiosity and envy for people with rock solid dreams and who are living each day in a happy, driven pursuance of what is in their far sight. Because it's never been clear to me what I want. I only know what I do not want. Decisions made on that kind of basis have somehow served me alright. Maybe something surer will hit me when I'm 29.
I believe it's possible to earn a living doing something you truly love. I also believe you're damn lucky if you ever figure out what that is and actually get to do it.
So when opportunity comes along and it puts a sparkle in your eye and sets your heart racing, there are only two endings to that story. You go with it and spend your life living with your decision, richer or poorer for it. Or you spend your life asking yourself, what if? It's such a cliche. But I believe that a true what if? option can haunt you even when you're on your deathbed, even when you've led a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Only you can decide if this is a true what if? And if it is, why be tethered by imaginary shackles?
(And about what Eric Lee said, I later rationalised that it was because he was past 29 and not yet 39 when he found his calling, that he set that particular time frame.)
6 comments:
oh, i didn't know ashin said that..
Yah. I think it might have been a radio interview. Casually weaved into the conversation. I can't remember anything about that interview except this thing.
hello! random reader...popped over via a link from soon lee. i was from rgs too! and i remember the way we would link arms and sway to "If We Hold On Together" during school functions...haha! i like your writing! when were you at rgs?
thanks!
haha, oh yes, how can i forget if we hold on together. those days were fun. we were certainly very big on communal songs and swaying from side to side together.
i graduated in 1998. what about you?
i was from class of 2000. haha the internet makes the world smaller. keep blogging...your posts are interesting!
-wanyu
=)
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