Things to do in this %$!@#&!!! HEAT

1. Yearn for overcast skies and whipping winds.

2. Wish for loud, heavy rain.

3. Look for ice-cream everywhere you go. Venezia dark choclate gelato is blissful but so are the traditional ice-creams from the sidewalk uncles. Raspberry ripple blocks between thin wafer crisps, tiny round scoops of attap seed, sweetcorn and chocolate flavoured ice-cream in a plastic cup. Sucking on potong ice-cream in an air-con room is also most excellent.

4. Ice-cold drinks. H-Two-O and peppermint flavoured bubble tea for double the chill are particular favourites currently.

5. Hide in malls. There are people who cannot get used to the temperatures in our air-conditioned retail malls. I say bring it on to sub-zero. If you're cold you can always throw on a something or the other. But if you're hot, you're fucking hot. Malls which believe in giving you a comfortable shopping experience - Ngee Ann City and Wisma Atria are alway trusty. If all else fails, go to Cold Storage and roam the frozen food and dairy aisles, pick out a cold juice while you're at it.

6. Hide in movie theatres. Lido is most obliging, Cine is comfortable. Bring in a slushy ice-blended drink for additional temperature dips.

7. Hide in your room with windows shut (to prevent hot air from sauntering in and invading your sanctuary) and fan blasting or with air-con on. Here, you can:

• Watch movies and variety programmes. In this heat, light-hearted is key. Overly emotional films that lead to crying will cause the pressure in your head and chest to mount and coupled with the unforgiving heat, migraines will occur.
• Snuggle under the duvet with a book - we're talking air-con on here. Again, easy reads will work better. Nothing that requires too much thinking or appreciation of language. Plot is slightly more crucial than language for now. Think Stephenie Meyer with the Twilight Trilogy.
  
• Magazines work equally well. Frankie is quite a good cool-down read.
• Alternatively, use the heat to get into the mood. Love in the time of Cholera, Water for Elephants... Books that make you feel sweaty and grimy. But this is just a suggestion. I would never subject myself to such an ordeal.

8. Cold showers. Panadol Extra and a shampoo with cold water will alleviate migraines instantly. Wash away all the sweat and grime and immediately leap into a spot and keep the fan on you. This will maintain the lowered body temperature.

9. Of course, this air-con abuse is very bad for the environment. But I don't see how having a constant migraine or smelling bad due to excessive perspiration from heat can help anything or anyone. Still, some small tactics to save energy:

• Go out and hole up in the library, catch a movie, shop. Use what is already being used.
• When you wake up and off the air-con, keep the windows and door shut and on the fan. This will circulate the cold air and keep the room relatively cool for a long while.
• Use thick glass for your windows, or use impenetrable curtains or blinds. The heat and light coming in will just up the temperature which means more energy is wasted combating it.
• Drink iced anything to keep body temperature down.
• Avoid hot soup.

When will this stupid heat and humidity go away?